November 09, 2006

hmmm...well yesterday i watched "girl frm hell" for the whole day...it was so cool..well i watched it to lesson the pain i was in...i did felt much better...she toked to me on MSN ask me got wat hw...well i did nit go to skool so i not so sure n asked her go check class blog...then at night i could not sleep....went to watch tv...i was OK ...at 11pm i felt like checking my mail n see who was online...so i did...i switched in on and waited...then went online n saw thad i got one E-mail...there they rote "new testimonial frm goriilla wooll.....".i was like ok wat would she hav written? i went to check my friendster...there was a video...i watched it n i saw THESE THREE words which changed the way i was feeling...i jus did not noe why but i felt thad way...i did not noe whether to accept it or delete it til today...then i immediately switched it off...n watched tv wondering bout it...at 12.30 i went to my room n started to cry...i noe how u feel,geri,cos i said thad words to most of the special ppl i love..but they never get thad message...u hav to learn to let go...we stil can be frewns but we wont hang out,wont kol each other n chat,listen to each other's problems n helping each other...i'm sorry but dis is wat i got to say to u...mayb ur friendship wif me was important to u but pls i want to b laft alone for a while...i lost more frewns then u n i hav learned to moved on...even though those memories r right deep inside me...pls 4get me...take it as u never met me...take it as if i'm invisible...u dont need me...u dont belong in my mind..my memories...in my world...i will alwas b a cursed n sad person...leave me...dont bother bout me anymore...u say u dont want to change cos nobody will care...hav u ever thought if u changed i would care?of course i will..i want the old u....but if u dont want its ok...well i went to my room n cried...riting a poem cos i could not find my penknife-u noe how much pain i was in...for losing another frewn...well it does not matter...here's how the poem goes:
many sleepness nights
with powerless lights
i lie in bed
with so many things in my head
why me???
it cant be!!
i feel like hell is where i belong-
where i sing a sad song
& roam around in pain & sadness
in a world filled with darkness
where my past & memories are 4ever forgotten
with a heart as soft as cotten
i sit in the corner
thinking bout her...
i cant take this anymore
my wrist;showing so much blood & gore
how long can i hang on
or look upon;
on you my friend?
let my life end
let my pain end
let my sadness end!!!
for i can't take this no more...
let me fall to the earth's core
let me be invisible
i don't need any help available
let my soul wander around in pain
on this stupid earth;for what will you gain?
erase me from ur memories
erase me from ur worries
i'm a hopeless soul in a pool of sadness
with my shadow cloaked in darkness
and i'm standing here in tears......

dis is how i feel....i got other tings aso in my mind...i'm suffering in silence...n jus let me be...
i will never be the same again...n mayb u dont hav 2 change for my sake...jus b wat u want...cos i dont bother...we can be frewns but it will be different...like i said before...it's ur choice...n dont pull jillyn into dis...nor joey...well u hav joey...so b happy...dont care bout me...jus like everybody else....tc...

savy angel@ 11/09/2006 05:22:00 PM

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